Looks like im making things real obvious now..it's ok..whats the use of blog anw..and it doesnt concern me any more..so..why should i bother..hahahahaha..I have been feeling an unknown sense of uncertainty and curiosity towards today for months..expected today to be a really "special" day..It's just like the reason why i hate my own birthday..always expect my birthday to be the most special day of the year..always take that for granted..but year after year..i disappointed myslef..ended up realizing it's just like any other ordinary day..it's merely one of the days out of the 365 days in the year..expect that i called it "birthday".. I had the same expectation for today..though it's not my birthday..I thought very HIGHLY of today..that's why i insist on blogging today whether alive or dead, i know i wont be able to go online at home..so i shall do it in the school library. Decided to call it a day early last night..cuz i didnt want to sense, hear and watch "today" approaching..the agony was a torment. I struggled hard to put myself to sleep..counted sheeps and cows..guess i did fall asleep before 12am eventually. I was in the midst of my dreams when i heard my handphone ringing and vibrating beside me..i left the phone turned on last night just in case another blow of earthquake comes cuz i dont want to miss another one after having missed 2..when the earthquake struck the night befire last jj called me up but so sad i switched of my phone and slept through the "fun"..seriously i dont know how i will feel and react if i really sense an earthquake, esp for the first time, my immaturity makes me think it's "fun" but i guess i will paniic like hell if it really happens..jj told me her experience of the earthquake..it truly wasnt what i imagined..according to her description, everything was in chaos and people felt a sense of uncertainty and insecurity..no one knew what was going to happen..is tsunami the next thing that will follow? Will another blow of earthquake follow? What if all the buildings tumble down and we get buried alive in the debris? It is only when this kind of things happen that we know who are the ones most important to us..it's actually a test to reveal our innermost thoughts that even we ourselves never knew of. That's why i sort of WANTED to experience an earthquake..i mean a slight one..such minor shakes wont do much harm i guess..or maybe im wrong..(?) I shall swing back to last night..yep..jj called me up..i thought i should be near dawn already..but surprisingly it was only 1214pm..gosh..it's 30th march now..that was the first thing that came into my mind after i stepped out of dreamland entirely..we talked for about 50 minutes or so..i didnt worry about the numbers on my phone bills shooting up for once..coz i no longer felt like sleeping on such a day which was supposed to be "special"..ok..the day started off "special"..at least i wasnt doing what i usually do..the next morning..this morning..i woke up feeling extraordinarily awake..and completed my morning routine in seconds. Came to school afraid to see "special" things that i prefer to not to see..then i realized that i forgot to bring my pencil case.hahahahahax..and i have bio test today..just went to Katong park for CIP..ending up having fun in the playgrounf over there..the person in charge was no where around and Mdm Loh didnt care much.."banana boat" was fun..wow..we were like eggs getting fried in a pan..bumping up and down..then i tried the swings..i havent touched them for ages and i sort of miss them..i love that feeling..when i rose higher and higher into the sky..felt the winding blowing into my face..heard the thunder which sounded like applause amazingly..had the "top of the world feeling" instantly..."it's really a 'special' day!!!!"..i literally shouted that out..sorry to people who thought i was insane.. I didnt want to go to the canteen during recess today..but i still went cuz all the comps in the library were occupied then. "Today" is almost ending..i just regained my consciousness and realized that i have no right to feel this sense of "speciality" at all..and the page shall turn after today. Today is 30th March 2005.
Be happy!!! It's a sin to feel blue and miserable..isn't it..??? why not just keep a permanent smile on your pretty face that won't be very difficult.. It's just a muscle exercise, that will keep you young and happy...
